It’s the end of a long day. I pick up toys, nerf bullets out of the pantry, and sit down, finally sit. I have baby puffs in my pockets and crayon pieces. There’s 3 loads of laundry that need to be folded. My hair is a mess, I could use a hot bath. I am a mama. At the end of each day, I have given all my energy to my kids. I have nothing left. Sometimes I feel deflated, well a lot of days. My day is not over, I need to eat, clean dishes, laundry and sweep, maybe mop because I have a crawler. Then prepare some food for my husband. He won’t be home until late. I cannot wait for my head to hit that pillow. I am in the trenches of motherhood. But their faces are worth every sacrifice we made so I can stay at home while they are small. Every minute of sleep I’ve lost, every workout I missed, every tear I’ve shed.
There’s the occasional date night, wedding, or vacation but generally, I feel exhausted. Some days I selfishly ask God, why can’t my life be more exciting, glamorous, even adventurous? And he whispers to me, “this is only a season, my child.” This is my calling, I am called to serve God’s great purpose, and raise his sweet sons. I think “will I miss this?”. The truth is I will. I’ll miss playing chutes and ladders, I’ll miss the little baby kisses I get daily from my youngest. I won’t remember all the toil, the monotonous chores, sweeping, mopping, cooking, exhaustion, driving to school and the park with a diaper bag, stroller and 3 kids. But I will remember the laughter, bonding, and silly songs we sing. I’ll remember when we prayed together and they saw God answer it. I’ll remember how they light up when Daddy gets home early some nights. I’ll remember how my heart melted when Sammy said to Sebastian, “B, you’re my best friend.” I’ll remember the smile on their faces as they blow out birthday candles, dance parties on random Tuesday nights, ice cream mustaches, and sidewalk chalk pictures. I’ll remember the valentine with puzzles pieces they made that said “I love you to pieces”. Glamorous, no but fulfilling, yes. Everything I have sacrificed to be at home will all be worth it. To all you mamas in the trenches, enjoy this. Even when it feels like it will never change, because believe it or not, we will miss it, and it does change.