People will abandon you but Jesus never will

As I go through this life, I have learned that people will say they love you and then completely abandon you. But Jesus has never left me, Jesus has never forsaken me. He is the only reason I live today. If I placed my trust in people then I would be dead. But if I place my trust in the lord I will never be forsaken, that is why I am actually still alive.

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Security and joy in the midst of struggle

20140728-223501-81301288.jpgJust having had a significant life change, as a writer I wanted to let you in a little bit. My writing is from the heart. The more insecure I feel, the more I want to share my vulnerability. I want to show just how human I am and just how frail I can be. Luckily there is a loving God whom I trust my life to.

I apologize if there are some typos as I do not get more than 3 hours of sleep at a time. There is a song by Tenth Avenue North called “Worn”. It is how I feel right now. One line goes, “I’m worn, even before the day begins.” I truly feel this everyday. I am not thriving, right now, I am merely surviving.
After having my third child, I am the most vulnerable I have ever been. Well right after having a c-section surgery and completely depending on my nurse and husband to help me take care of our baby is when I’ve felt the most vulnerable. This second time around I knew what to expect. But that did not make it easier and I did not feel more secure than before. I’m exhausted and anxious. Having a newborn and two other young children is the toughest challenge I have faced yet. Every time I come to a tough situation, I put my trust in God. He is my protector, my healer. He will never leave nor forsake me. Even when I come to the end of my life I feel secure in knowing he’s got me in the palm of his hand. I do not have to fear. 1 John 4:18

Newborns are adorable, beautiful and very needy. They need to hear our voices, know that we will feed them and keep them safe. They feel comforted by a mother’s voice and touch (and father’s). This time around has really challenged me. I am a very unhappy person when I’m sleep deprived. And the baby is the source of my unrest. My two preschoolers have really made it harder. Every time I turn around they are trashing the house, breaking things or filling things with water. My hard working husband is out of the house 60 hours a week. I cannot nap when the baby naps because I have my preschoolers to attend to. And I don’t want them to burn down the house. (Chuckle- but seriously.) I cannot be mad at my children. I should not raise my voice or get frustrated with this tiny baby. He needs me to be strong, suck up the pain and take care of him. I have to be selfless. And the truth is -I’m so selfish. God is so amazing because he knows when we are weak, we must rely on him in our times of need. One if my favorite Star Wars quotes is by Yoda, “A jedi’s strength flows from the Force,”. In my case, Jesus is my force. I could not get through the things I have without my security and strength from Jesus. I know that If I mess up, I am still forgiven and unconditionally loved and because of this I must show compassion to my children and others.

The first month of babyhood is, I think, one of the hardest challenges in life. Period. It is physically, emotionally and sometimes spiritually exhausting. Prayer and constant communication with God has helped me to be a good mother. Even when I wanted to quit, I need to finish the race. Every season of our life there will be challenges and trials. As James puts it, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. (‭James‬ ‭1‬:‭2-3‬ NIV) James is one of my favorite chapters in the New Testament. This is one of the reasons we named our son Spencer James. God’s word is there to guide us, teach us and comfort us. I’m not going to lie, I am on the verge of tears daily. I can only imagine what other parents with babies that are sick, or have a health condition feel like. But I press on. I know this is only a season and I can lean on Him. He loves us, holds us, calms us with his touch. I am forever grateful for His unconditional love. I’m going to try to get some sleep. Until next month, signing out. Keep me in your prayers.

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Sixth sense- The ability to believe

I was reading a devotional by Billy Graham and it inspired me to write about faith. It said that the ability to believe is a sixth sense that God has placed in every one of us. Now, many people believe in something but a lot of people choose not to read or believe God’s word. They miss out on the greatest gift we have been given and that is forgiveness of sin through Jesus Christ. God gave us a way out.

I find it funny that some really intelligent scientists are unable to believe the proof that is not only in the Bible but the historically accurate books that align with the Bible. Caesar is in the Bible. And many kings. How can this old book that has proven to have been around for 1000’s of years not be real? It’s their lack of belief. Their choice to ignore the truth, the inkling that it is real and if it is, many people have chosen doom over salvation. I believe fear is the root of disbelief. 1 John 4:18

We all have people, scholars, teachers, etc who have influenced us. But sometimes that influence is not necessarily right. We are human and we sin, we believe lies, and if we are passionate about those lies, others will believe them too. Looking back on my life, I know I have influenced others to do the wrong thing, and I regret it. I pray that those people will have their own walk with Christ into the light of truth that He alone can bring. I have turned from those ways but it is a battle everyday. I no longer want to to hide from the truth. I want to take my passion to let people know God’s amazing love and grace. But without the Gospel of Jesus, we would all be doomed to hell. Praise The Lord for a way out of this mess!

Fear is really the cause of many things, and Satan uses our fears to convince us to be selfish, hurt others, and not believe how great our God really is. One thing I don’t understand about non believers who have heard the Gospel, is knowing about Jesus and the gift he gave for us, how can you not want it? I don’t understand. HE FORGIVES OUR SINS. He makes a way for us to have a real relationship with the almighty God. 1Col 1:17-18 He came to earth for one purpose to redeem our lost souls and pay the cost of our sins. It is a beautiful, amazing sacrifice that I, as a selfish human, cannot grasp sometimes.

The inherent need to feel loved, cherished and accepted comes from God. So I pray that every person I meet will meet Jesus, accept his love and truly experience the life God calls us to live. I will, at least raise 3 men who know unconditional love from me and I will explain to them how Jesus loves them more deeply than I ever can. If that is all I do in this life, then surely I have done my job. I use my sixth sense because I believe God’s word and feel his presence in my life. Life is messy, hard and full of trials but with my faith, I will never give up. May you find your ability to believe and search the Bible and have a real relationship with God through the redemption Jesus has given us. Peace to you my friend.

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32 lessons I’ve learned in 32 years of living

On the eve of my 32nd birthday,  I once again am forced to look back at the life I have lived so far. We do not know when we will take our last breath.  As I sit here in a mint julep mask, contemplating, I have lessons that I want to share and many of these you may have already learned on your own journey. Some of these I will elaborate on and others just don’t need it.  I hope you can see who I am through what I have learned. 😉 A lot of these things are in Proverbs.  I love that book.


1. Live and love life-
No, really live! Life is way too short to just read blogs, work, eat and barely do anything. If you are invited to parties-go! Meet new people, try new things, the worst thing in life is regret. God created us to love people, love Him and enjoy life. You never know your last day, so enjoy every moment and be present! Life goes by way too fast! Listen to “You’re gonna miss this”, by Trace Adkins. It gets me every time.

2. Make time for important relationships.
Not every person you know will be close to you. But if there are people and family that is important to you, then make more effort. You will find if they want the same thing and you get along well, they will become people you trust, love, and share life with. You will disagree sometimes but if you really love someone, you will get through those things and your friendship will be stronger for it.

3. Don’t believe everything you hear.

What the internet, news, or even people say may or may not be truth. If you are really concerned about a particular thing- do your research, listen to your gut, pray, read God’s word and take people’s testimonies into account. If we believed everything the news or government told us, we’d all be dead or sick, or living on the street. Go against the grain sometimes. And always stand up for what is right even if you are persecuted. As a disciple of Jesus Christ I expect this, and as a believer in holistic practices and alternative medicine, I am facing this more and more. Doctors are not always right and if your gut is telling you something, then listen. “The discerning heart seeks knowledge, but the mouth of a fool feeds on folly.” (Proverbs 15:14 NIV)

4. Take risks. And don’t be afraid to fail.
Without risks, life would be boring. You need to step out of your comfort zone sometimes in order to see what’s possible. I pray about my choices and really ask for God’s guidance on big decisions. But even if you choose not to pray, I encourage you to be smart but not afraid to take a risk. Only if you take a big risk, can you get a big reward.

5. Make challenging goals for yourself.

6. Sometimes you will be awful at something.
You know what there are some days I’m an awful mom, but I forgive myself because I am not perfect. Can I strive to be better the next day, yes. And there’s things I should not waste time on like- I’m very athletic but just no good at basketball. I’ve accepted it and moved on. We all have our strengths and weaknesses and the sooner we figure these things out, the more our skills can be used to glorify God.

7. Don’t give up!
Stay positive even in hard times. People are watching, and you know what life is HARD and sometimes we want to be negative, but I encourage you to choose positivity. As you go through a tough time and someone sees you push through you will affect their life. As a believer I put my hope in Jesus Christ, and he has seen me through every hard time. He did not die on the cross so I would give up. He died so I can be free of sin, and live a victorious life.

8. You can love and respect someone without agreeing with their choices.
Let’s be honest, there is no one that I can honestly say we agree on every little thing. Will I try to have a conversation in honesty and love if I feel they are doing something they may regret, yes. Will I make an effort to help them see why I believe certain things especially the fact that Jesus has died so we can have salvation and freedom, yes. But will I judge them if they still do not agree and make a not great choice, no. That’s not my job. If they are doing something against God’s will (refer to Bible if unsure) I just let them know I will not take part in it, but I love them regardless. Whether they ignore their conscience or not, it’s impossible to change anyone.

9. Your kids will point out your weaknesses, a lot.
Lucky for us, parents, kids are really honest and don’t have a filter when they are young. I have been taught by my toddlers a lot of my weaknesses and if they can see it, I better work on it.

10. We need to have filters.
With kids it may be cute, but as adults, we really need to be careful what we say. Words have a major impact on people. Especially kids. I read that for every one negative thing said to a child, it takes 4 positive compliments to bring up their self esteem. This may be for adults too. The old saying is true, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it!” Also a proverb I love says this, “Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent, and discerning if they hold their tongues.” (Proverbs 17:28 NIV)

11. Dream BIG!
I’m so sick of naysayers telling people good luck and not meaning anything by it. You know my big dream was to become an actress and I moved to Los Angeles at the age of 22 to pursue it. It was not what it looks like, and there’s a dark side to Hollywood that I chose to walk away from because I wasn’t willing to give up my integrity for fame. I’m not saying every actor does this for a career but I chose God’s will for my life over my own, sinful will. And I have never regretted that decision. Now, the dreams I have are more related to healthy living and I still have BIG DREAMS; just different ones.

12. There is true love.
I realized how much I love husband after 9 years of marriage and I’m reminded of the reasons I chose him. He gets me, forgives me, and I trust him. That’s what every woman wants- a man she can trust. And truth be told he doesn’t ALWAYS get me but he loves me anyway. True love can be found even in friendships when someone just really unconditionally wants to be close and love you despite all your imperfections. And stays around even when you push them away.

13. Beauty is not skin deep.
I wrote a blog about the beauty of a women in February. So, if you want to know more, check it out. This was a lesson I learned over many years.

14. Keep learning and do not be stubborn. Stubborn pride can be your downfall.
It’s ok if you were not well educated or informed about something and then your eyes are opened and you change your mind. Now this can refer to many things. Do not be like an ignorant voter, you should actually know about the issues before you go defending, voting, or fighting for something. You can always educate yourself further. Don’t be a fool! “Fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions.” (Proverbs 18:2 NIV)

15. Be grateful and content.

16. Work Hard. Learn to PLAN to be more successful. 
I’m still struggling with the planning thing but I find the days I plan I am less stressed and much happier and successful.

17. Don’t blame God for this fallen world, and all the problems caused by sin. 
Really? You’re going to blame your creator and father who loves you enough to die for you? You know what there is sin and evil and those are the things that cause cancer, murder, rape, hatred and all the other problems in this world.  If anything God gives us hope.  Don’t be naïve. Prov 1:22

18. Seek God.
This should have been # 1 but I was just on a roll with writing my thoughts.
So there’s no sort of order of these 32 things.

19. Don’t envy. Or boast.

20. Love your children with everything you have.
Encourage THEM. they will get enough rejection from this world.

21. Prayer is very powerful and effective. 
I have seen with my own eyes and life the effectiveness of prayers. It’s not a wishing well, it’s conversations with God.  He hears, he listens, he blesses, and he holds you when you cry.  James 5:16 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.

22. There is good and evil in this world.
Learn to discern it. We are born with a Sin nature. But we don’t have to give into this sin nature. Listen to your conscience (or gut). It was given to us by God.

23. Never underestimate the lies Satan will put in your path, and mind.  
Guilty as charged. I have thought some things that are infathomable but they were lies and when I realized this, I chose not to believe them and not to give into my sin nature.

24. Don’t worship any human.
For many reasons but mainly they are human and will let you down. God is the only person you should worship. He created this earth and every human being. Did you create the stars in the sky? Did any human? NOPE. As Borat would say, “Respec”.

25. There are a lot of good people and businesses in this world. 
They truly care about others well being and not just their own selfish ambition.

26. You reap what what you sow, or Karma.
Even if you choose to follow Christ, you will reap the sin that you sowed before, but then you are free.  Just don’t keep sinning and hurting others, or it will come back to you on this earth.

27. You have some control of what toxins get into your body, mind, and life. But you can’t control everything.
Toxins are everywhere-in our food, medicine, skin care, air, television, facebook, twitter, internet, even people.  Just be careful what or who you let in.

28. Let things go. Forgive yourself.

29. Your heart and feelings can mislead you.

30. That void in your heart can be filled.
By Jesus alone. Enough said.

31. Become trustworthy. 
Friends stick around when they can count on and trust you.  If you don’t have a lot of friends, maybe examine why. Are you trustworthy?

32. Be you, not someone you think you should be by the world’s or others standards.
I do not let the world’s standards affect me.  I live for Jesus and those are the standards I live by. Get off Facebook once in a while. If you try to get more likes and are discouraged when you don’t. Who cares? I call it fake book. Because you can be as real or fake as you want to be. Choose to be real. You will draw the right people to you that way.

Happy birthday to me! Free coffee at Starbucks here I come!

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Becoming a mother; sacrificial love

Mothers, they help the world go round. The hardest part of motherhood is sacrifice.SS Twins 5a

I never understood how beautiful the female body really was until I became pregnant,(with twins). It did not feel real, like the miracle it is, until I saw those little tiny babies in a sonogram. And my heart was stolen. I knew that there would be sacrifice not only of my body, but my time, my life, my identity.

We all have mothers whether we know them, or maybe are not close to them but one thing you should know-that person selflessly loved you at one point. Enough to carry, nurture, and change her body forever.
I love my new body, after my twins were born I got back into shape and have been in the best shape of my life because I eat healthier, in order to teach my kids to live healthy lives. I work harder, I exercise, not just for me but for my children. As a mother, I have come to understand the beauty of motherhood and that sacrifice is essential to love them unconditionally.

From the moment we find out we are with child, it starts. We sacrifice our bodies, our energy, our favorite foods (that could possible harm our unborn baby). We fall asleep at work, on the couch after church, in a friends house. Our body is changing; our hormones are raging, and despite the struggle there is an innate sense of joy.

Once the baby is born, we will do anything to take care of them, provide, give them the clothes off our back, the food off our plate. We will suffer to make our children happy. I remember when they were infants and I just was exhausted from feeding every 3 hours, burping, changing, laundry, trying to eat and drink enough. And I just remember Sammy having a fever and me just holding him crying my eyes out. I was praying and asked God to make me sick so my baby did not have to suffer. I am now pregnant with #3 and I would readily die for any of my children. To me, that is fascinating. I thought I was the most selfish person and those tiny babies made me feel so deeply that I would do anything to take away their pain. That’s how much God loves us, and becoming a mom made me realize that.

There are other mothers too who nurture and love just as much even if they cannot have a child. Adoption mothers, foster care mothers, spiritual mothers, step mothers. Each of these ladies are just as important in a child’s life as a natural mother. Some women are unable to carry their own but that does not mean they do not choose to sacrifice for a child in need. I have much respect for all these women. Spiritual mothers can also be natural mothers. They have a huge impact on helping someone grow in their faith. Especially when a person maybe did not have a great childhood and need a mother in adulthood to help them press on through the trials of life.

I think both my mother and mother in law exemplify this sacrifice. They are both selfless, humble, and extremely loving. When I think of impact on this world I think of all the mothers, whether it be your grandmother, aunt, sister, friend, or you. Even if you are not a mother just the amazing fact that we have the power to give life, love, nurture and impact children for the glory of God.

Now, that is phenomenal. So, next time you see a mother struggling with her kids in the supermarket, say something nice, like “You are amazing”, or “keep up the hard work”.  We need that encouragement and love.  Because without mothers, none of us would be here.

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I use to think but now I know. (Late Birthday blog)

I have been blogging as a hobby and a way to express myself for about 2 years. So this year I wanted to write a birthday blog about thinking.

Depending on the kind of thinking you do, it can make or break you. As I align my thinking with God and His word, I have so much peace. I believed a lot of lies that the world threw at me. And the more I believed those lies, the more chaos showed up in my life.

1. I used to think people could not change, but now as living proof, I know everyone is capable of change. It’s a choice. Saying you can’t change is just an excuse. Sometimes it literally takes an act of God to change a person. Just like Jesus has changed me over the years. Trust me anyone CAN change. Pray for it, “with God anything is possible.” Matt 19:26

2. I used to think being popular was more important than doing the right thing. Another lie of the world that I believed. But now I know I will be persecuted for standing up for what is right.  That means I’ll have enemies. That no longer bothers me. People are flawed (especially me) and if my acceptance by people affects my conviction to do the right thing, then I am not who I say I am. “If God is for me who can be against me?” Romans 8:31

3. I used to think people could make me happy. But now I know they can not. Not my husband, my kids, family, friends. The key to happiness is seeking and having a relationship with Jesus. There are so many people who have let me down, crushed my spirit, betrayed me when I trusted them, lied to me, hurt me. But not Jesus. He has never forsaken me. He unselfishly was hung on a cross for me. There is no greater love.

4. I used to think religion meant faith. But now I know they are different things. You can have religion without faith and you can have faith without religion. But when you truly believe in God’s Holy word and have an experience with his being, faith grows. Religion has a negative connotation because people have tainted it. The Bible is God speaking to us. But he also lets us experience Him. That’s where faith comes in. Religion can be people trying to control others but true faith cannot be faked or controlled. It is authentic and powerful. Faith and religion the way God calls us to follow Jesus is amazing and life changing. Please do not let people ruin your seeking of God. He is good, it’s people that are messed up. (I’m Guilty, as charged.)

5. I used to think there is no hope for terrorists, liberals, prideful people to ever be saved. But now I know by the example of Saul who became Paul the apostle, any and everyone can find Christ and have a relationship with him. Saul persecuted and killed Christians and if he can change, anybody can too. I have faith and am praying that the fog of lies will be lifted from their faces so they can see the face of God one day. He tells us,”Love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you.” Matt 5:44

Hope, faith and love. I live by these 3 things.

I will follow Jesus until the day I die. No matter what I have to give up, no matter who I must leave behind. He has called me and I have answered.

I have grown from last year’s battle and I am in full force on fire for Jesus. I hope you can experience his amazing love. All you have to do is make the choice because he wants you to be his family. You accept or reject Him. Choose life or choose death. Because sin leads to death but Christ leads you to eternal life.

Peace my friends.

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Changing your attitude and focus

It sometimes takes a major life change or loss for people to realize they need to change something. For me, it was losing a friendship that was important to me. After all of it, I felt betrayed, undervalued, even worthless. Someone who said they would be there for me, suddenly turned cold and walked away. I admit I was unkind and lashed out because of my battle and pain with depression. This was my toughest battle with depression and sent me reeling in pain.

Suddenly, I stepped back and saw that my focus was entirely too dependent on one person’s acceptance and love. I think I needed this rejection, because it humbled me, and made me realize who I do not want to be. I do not want to treat someone like I was treated but I also don’t want to sugar coat the truth. You see, sugar coating is a lie. And their false promises gave me a false security in our friendship. Through all of this I learned so much about myself. How I deal with rejection, pain, and mistakes I make. I beat myself up, I am relentless and lash out at everyone when I am hurting. I’m not saying it’s right but I am learning and changing. 

As I move forward, my perspective is changing, my attitude is adjusting. I want to build myself up, not tear down. I want to encourage others and build them up but I must start with myself if I am going to be able to help others.

So my focus is on training my children to tell the truth in love, to love themselves and even though some mistakes hurt we must move forward and forgive. Forgive ourselves, forgive others and not be like the ones that hurt us. So maybe this was a blessing in disguise. The hardest part about losing this person is not knowing if they really cared. But for me truth is more important that being “kind” with sugar coated lies. Don’t lie to people you love, especially yourself. 

So now I am reevaluating what is important. My marriage, my children, making true friendships. I don’t want to hurt people I love. I’m making a change in myself, so that I can be the woman I am called to be and not the woman I used to be.

Depression will come and go but my attitude is something I can control. I choose positivity and kindness. I choose to forgive myself and others. I’ve made some bad choices in the past but moving forward, I will try to make better ones. 

Is there something you have been making excuses to not change? Is there someone you need to forgive and learn from? Tell them you forgive them. We can never be perfect people but we can do better. I wish you peace, my friends.

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Dear friend who betrayed my trust

Thank you. Because of what you put me through I am still able to live without fear. How? Jesus. When you betrayed me, I realized something. You are a person, you are not perfect and I was bound to get hurt when I allowed myself to be vulnerable. Did you hurt me? Yes. Will I survive? Absolutely. Maybe you don’t want to be my friend, maybe you never really loved me as I thought you did. Even as you said you did, maybe to tell me what you thought I wanted to hear. But, Jesus does truly love me. His love is not conditional or shallow. No matter how many mistakes I make he still loves me, believes in me, leads me, and guides me. Lastly, thank you for giving up on our friendship, because I learned there is someone who will never give up on me. He actually died in my place,  and all I had to do was accept his sacrifice and love. He died for my sins, for the very mistakes in which you chose to betray me. In the Bible it says this,“Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.”

‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭29:25‬ ‭NIV‬‬

I was afraid of losing your friendship so I pretended to be like you, but I’m not. I fear the Lord because I love him, I honor and respect Him. But after you disowned me and told me one thing but to others denied me. I now just feel hurt. But instead of hardening my heart towards all people I feel a deep compassion. And although my heart hurts, I know that only He can heal this old wound that you reopened. Maybe I had to go through this to feel the betrayal that Jesus felt by Judas. So thank you, I have learned so much from our friendship. The one that you deny. You know the truth, and so do I. I forgive you. I’m at peace, but only because I know I’m loved and cherished. I don’t have to do anything to get God’s attention, he simply loves me and once forgiven, he does not hold my sins against me. That’s all I need. I wish you well in this life. I will continue to pray for you because I do still care about you, I’m just able to let go and hope one day you and I can be friends again. If not, that is ok too because without you I would never have grown this much. It was your rejection that showed me Jesus is all I need, and I can love people even if they cause me pain. I think the enemy tried to use this pain to turn me away from people but I choose to see the good in this. God knew our friendship and end of it would start transforming me into the Christ follower and lover of people I am called to be. So thank you and Goodbye, my friend. My  hope is that you do not judge Jesus by my behavior, even though I follow Him, I make bad choices from time to time. I’m not perfect, I follow the only perfect human who ever lived on this earth. I pray you accept His love one day, even if you rejected mine. Peace to you.

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A woman’s worth

Struggling with insecurities, I decided to write  a new blog. I wanted to write about a woman’s worth.
In a world where women should be valued for who they are, I think many women like me struggle to believe our value. According to the world, I have everything-a great, loving husband, three beautiful children, a home, health and good income. However, even if I had none of these things, God sees my value, my potential, my worth. But I question my value because there is an enemy who seeks to destroy all that I have, all that I am and I am certain there are many other women, who also struggle with their worth.

The enemy of our souls has a lot of power in this world. The world makes us believe that you are only valuable because of your looks, if you are smart, have a good job, make lots of money, accomplish great physical feats, have perfect hair, if your kids are healthy, if you have a perfect life. But- NEWS FLASH no one has a perfect life. No one has a perfect marriage, kids, or hair. It’s in our imperfections, failures and flaws that draws us to others. We are human, and flawed and that is okay. Jesus did not die for perfect people, he died for sinners. He sacrificed his life so we can have salvation and freedom from our sins. He paid our ransom. A while ago, I heard God whisper to me, “you don’t have to be perfect to be loved.” In fact, he says that “in our weaknesses, He is made strong”.(2 Cor 12:9) God is perfect but no one else. We are made in His image, but we are not little gods. We are merely human.

Here is the truth, God says we are valuable, and part of His great purpose. No matter how unloved, or unnoticed you feel, women are the glue of this world. The world needs us to be who we are called to be. We need to press on, even when we feel like giving up, even when others overlook us. “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. “(‭Galatians‬ ‭6‬:‭9‬ NIV)

Just remember these words when you are unsure of your worth:
You are fearfully and wonderfully made.  (Psalm 139:14)

You are a daughter of the King.

You are a work in progress.

You are never alone, trust in God, and reach out to others.

You are valuable and created for a specific purpose.

God loves you.

You do not have to be perfect to be loved. You are loved immeasurably!

We all have bad days, tomorrow is a new one. It’s never too late to change, seek God’s will. “Joy comes in the morning.” (Psalm 30:5)

When Satan tries to tell you- you are worthless, no one cares about you, your family doesn’t need you, give up. WE have to remember he is a liar, deceiver and will do anything to steal our joy. You have to persevere, and finish the race.  You are valuable and amazing! I’m not giving up and I’m rooting for you.

“Finally, brothers and sisters, rejoice! Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you.”  2 Cor 13:11

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Worth every sacrifice

It’s the end of a long day. I pick up toys, nerf bullets out of the pantry, and sit down, finally sit. I have baby puffs in my pockets and crayon pieces. There’s 3 loads of laundry that need to be folded. My hair is a mess, I could use a hot bath. I am a mama. At the end of each day, I have given all my energy to my kids. I have nothing left. Sometimes I feel deflated, well a lot of days. My day is not over, I need to eat, clean dishes, laundry and sweep, maybe mop because I have a crawler. Then prepare some food for my husband. He won’t be home until late.  I cannot wait for my head to hit that pillow. I am in the trenches of motherhood. But their faces are worth every sacrifice we made so I can stay at home while they are small. Every minute of sleep I’ve lost, every workout I missed, every tear I’ve shed.

There’s the occasional date night, wedding, or vacation but generally, I feel exhausted. Some days I selfishly ask God, why can’t my life be more exciting, glamorous, even adventurous? And he whispers to me, “this is only a season, my child.” This is my calling, I am called to serve God’s great purpose, and raise his sweet sons. I think “will I miss this?”. The truth is I will. I’ll miss playing chutes and ladders, I’ll miss the little baby kisses I get daily from my youngest. I won’t remember all the toil, the monotonous chores, sweeping, mopping, cooking, exhaustion, driving to school and the park with a diaper bag, stroller and 3 kids. But I will remember the laughter, bonding, and silly songs we sing. I’ll remember when we prayed together and they saw God answer it. I’ll remember how they light up when Daddy gets home early some nights. I’ll remember how my heart melted when Sammy said to Sebastian, “B, you’re my best friend.” I’ll remember the smile on their faces as they blow out birthday candles, dance parties on random Tuesday nights, ice cream mustaches, and sidewalk chalk pictures. I’ll remember the valentine with puzzles pieces they made that said “I love you to pieces”. Glamorous, no but fulfilling, yes. Everything I have sacrificed to be at home will all be worth it. To all you mamas in the trenches, enjoy this. Even when it feels like it will never change, because believe it or not, we will miss it, and it does change. 

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This is my last blog post for the year. Like a lot of people, there are a lot of things I want to change next year. Some changes are willingness issues for me. Many of these changes I cannot do alone. So I will be asking for Jesus’ help.
The biggest change I am focusing on is serving my family. Oh, I can paint a picture of the cutest little family on facebook. But am I serving them the way I should be or do I just try to look like I do? Children are the greatest blessings but also the greatest challenges. God gave me three little bundles of joy, to care for, share life with and love unconditionally and sacrificially. I am grateful for each child and how He is using them to mold me into a better woman who relies much more on Jesus.

Here are things that I am focusing on this year:
1. Remember how blessed I am and keep hope in Jesus, as I have eternal life through Him.
2. Teach my boys the truth of God’s love with my actions instead of just words.
3. Be satisfied and grateful with the season I am in, even on sick days.
4. Live in the moment, not the past, not the future, just the moment.
5. Humble myself before God- my pride needs to go, it holds me back from greater blessings.
6. Get back into inspiring others with fitness and encouragement.

One of my goals this year 2014 was to write 12 blog posts. It has been a very blessed but challenging year but I achieved this goal. We moved, I had my third child, I am facing things from my past that hold me back from God’s will for me. I have learned and changed selfish behaviors and reconnecting with my fun self that I forgot about. Being my real self is going to be beneficial to everyone, especially my children. I’m not perfect and I still fall short on many things. But I have hope everyday because of Christ. I am less fearful, and much more confident in God’s promises. This year He has more than blessed our family, finances and marriage despite my imperfections, disobedience, and failures. God never leaves nor forsakes me.

Here’s to another year of seeking Jesus and living fully without fear. Thank you Jesus for each day I am given. Friends, I hope you take risks and prayerfully find your truth in the coming new year. Next year I plan on blogging more about fitness and family since this year was my first year blogging mostly about my spiritual walk. Peace to you.

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Passion for life!

It is the anniversary of my cousin Kayla’s passing. I cannot believe a year has gone by. I wanted to write a blog for today, not to make anyone sad but to tell you how her life changed mine. She was 26. That’s far too young, in my opinion.

Her death was sudden and tragic and I will not get into the details. It was caused by domestic violence. I will say this, God moved Matt and I closer (in location) to her last year and I am grateful for each moment with her and glad Sammy and Sebastian loved and adored her. Just as, I know, Spencer would too.

I recently got my third tattoo in loving memory of Kayla. Oddly enough each Tattoo I have has been every 7 years at age 18, age 25, and age 32. These tattoos are when my faith has grown or been tested and I have grown closer to God. They signify times that have changed me. And I was “marked” by these moments and the tattoo reminds me where I have come. Kayla had a small tattoo on her wrist that said “Love Life”. Many members in my family have gotten this or another tattoo because she made us all realize that life without love and passion is no life at all.

Jesus said, ” I am the way, the truth and the life”. The life. This really hit me. Love life=love Jesus. My passion for Christ has changed over the last year and grown my faith in a very significant way. It has also changed the way I see people and made me examine my own life and face the reality of death. These things are pretty deep but we cannot live our lives as if we don’t know that we won’t live forever.
I don’t know when my time will come but I am going to live with passion each day that God gives me. I will love passionately, forgive, celebrate, teach my children, but most importantly love and share Christ. The man who passionately and unselfishly gave his life for my salvation. I do not have to fear death because of Him.

“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” Psalm 23:4

So today I am celebrating the amazing life of Kayla Jacqueline Davis. She inspired me to love more fully, to share Jesus more boldly, and to hold my family closer and tighter. I cherish each day that I am given and with courage I can “Love Life” and love people. Because that is what Jesus calls us to do. May God give you peace if you are hurting right now. He is waiting for us to call on His name and ask for help. I encourage you to make Jesus Lord of your life so you can have the assurance of seeing those in heaven who also know Him. You can be forgiven and have eternal life. You can live the life God is calling you to live on this earth. You can fulfill his will for your life, if you only ask.

I love you Kayla. You probably never realized how many people’s lives you touched. And the ripple affect of lives we will touch because of your story. You have inspired me to share my life and treasure each moment. I’ll see you on the other side.


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New chapter in your journey

A new chapter in one’s life can be exciting and overwhelming at the same time. As I approach my next journey-the new life I am bringing into this world I have decided to write some goals and “resolutions” if I may.

1. Everyday spend time with God.
2. Rest when I can with my newborn.
3. Exercise 3-4 days a week.
4. Spend time with my husband, and each son and make sure they know how special they are.
5. Give myself grace when I don’t get everything done.

I hope you decide to make goals along your journey. My life is about to change tremendously but I am just as excited as I am overwhelmed. I love excitement and adventure. My next post will probably have to do with adjusting and things I learn along the way. I am more prepared this time than I was with the twins but that does not make it any easier. Whatever it is you are facing or taking on new things, jobs, moving and so on. I wish you good will and favor. My favorite verse in the Bible is Phil 4:13 “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.”
On my own I may not be able to handle everything but with God’s strength I can do all things. In the chaos of life, I hold tightly to this verse. God bless, see you next month.

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